How to Maintain Sexual Self Control and What to Do If You Lose It

As mammals, we all have similar carnal desires. But, as humans, we have the ability to choose whether to pursue our urges or rebuff them. When we succumb to temptation it’s because our desire to indulge is greater than our desire to resist. We choose what we do. Although some of the choices have overpowering black hole-like pull, the following tools to avoid and resist will allow you the confidence to exert self control or extract yourself from temptation.

We are biologically driven to pair and bond for life. But, I don’t believe monogamy is such a genetic gift. Monogamy is a vow you make with your partner and God. The biological urge to reproduce has brought us to this point regarding population and promiscuity. That drive is so strong it has undermined some of the most successful people that walked this planet.

Commitment is a discipline a good man possesses. Here is guidance to assist anyone who may have an urge they would rather not entertain because of fidelity, love, and vows.

How to Maintain Sexual Self Control and What to Do If You Lose It


One thing can tip the scales in favor of regret…it’s alcohol. If you want to control yourself and protect the one you love, don’t drink up when you are socially interacting with someone you find attractive in an atmosphere that would allow a slip-up. No single factor erodes our self control more that ETOH (a medical term for alcohol).


The easiest way to resist temptation is to avoid it. Don’t put yourself in a position where an opportunity exists for something sexual to transpire. Don’t allow yourself to be alone with someone you find attractive and who can tempt you. If you are invited to a social function, bring your spouse, girlfriend, or significant other. Or, forgo the event.


Similar to counting your blessings, if you’re in a situation where you’re being lulled by carnal intoxication of someone other than your significant other, it’s time to reflect on the amazingness of your spouse. Search your mind for all the wonderful things they offer, all the rich experiences you have shared and all the future plans you have together.


The Stoics were big proponents of visualization to bring clarity to a situation. There are 2 types of visualization techniques you can use to help you make better decisions. They are:

1. Reverse Visualization

This technique involves visualizing an event you are contemplating doing, but instead visualize it happening to you, thus allowing you to experience the emotions that go with it. Imagine your spouse in the throes of lust with someone other than yourself. Really try to embody the feelings you would suffer if you found out. If you love your spouse or girlfriend, this exercise should be sufficient to keep you from acting upon this momentary flash of weakness and sparing your spouse the equivalent grief.

2. Negative Visualization

This technique involves visualizing the negative consequences of a particular act. In this case, you can use your spouse or girlfriend discovering your infidelity and leaving. Visualize your spouse leaving you. Imagine waking up and they are not there. You return from work to an empty home. You go to bed at night alone. These are the ramifications of your inability to resist impulse.


If you find yourself in a situation where you feel sexual feelings for someone other than your spouse or girlfriend, the safest way to ensure that it does not escalate is to remove yourself from the situation. Get out of town. Remaining and escalating the interaction will only be to your demise. This is where the choice to pursue or resist is within your power. Make the right choice. You will see your girlfriend or spouse and it will be a blessing to face them knowing you respected them and your commitment.


This is where you find yourself flirting and in a situation that is spiraling out of control. It’s snowballing, you know you want out, but for some perverse, counter-intuitive and unexplainable reason, you fear offending or hurting the feelings of the other party involved. That’s right, you are now concerned that by ditching this adulterous partner, you may hurt their feelings. This immediate need to save face can trump the desire to avoid the devastating, emotionally-gutting blow you will deliver to your spouse or girlfriend. This is where you need to nut up, excuse yourself to the men’s room if necessary, and leave by any means possible.

We all have the ability to resist. In the Old Testament, Adam may have let us all down when he ate the apple off the tree. But, if no other message is gleaned from Jesus, let this one inspire you in times of doubt: God manifested himself in the flesh, was tempted by the same temptations we are tempted with, and he resisted. He set an example and removed the excuses. We have the power to make our own choices. The one you make is yours alone. We are all tempted and have free will. Choose the will that brings out your best self through God, honors the impeccability of your word and demonstrates your control over that which is most important…you.

Richard White Administrator

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