How to have self-control when feeling lust
It’s not unusual to feel the need to be physical and intimate with your partner when you’re dating. After all, that’s how sexual relationships work. You and your lover want to have intercourse with one another, to reach orgasms, and complete your romantic goals. But lust can have two sides to it — good and bad. In our article, we’ll try to help you separate right from wrong by explaining how to control your sexual desire.
What Is Lust?
Before we begin exploring the good and the bad, we should explain what lust is. Only then will you get a clear picture of what we’re talking about. That said, most people mistake being lustful for sexual attraction. And you can’t blame them since these terms can go hand-in-hand and books and films don’t always separate them.
Lust is an intense feeling of desire that can sometimes feel like it’s controlling your head and dominating your life. There’s a world of difference between it and love, but you don’t need to be a psychologist to understand that. The term we’re talking about here expresses itself differently from loving someone. It’s not the same thing.
Unlike love, lust is a selfish feeling. It revolves around craving sexual contact with another person to meet your needs. On the other hand, love is more about caring for your partner and helping them reach their goals and desires. Love is possible without sexual intercourse if one partner isn’t ready to be intimate.
It’s easy to see how lust can quickly translate into sexual abuse, dominance, and even physical violence. Of course, it doesn’t have to be that way. You can control it successfully, no matter how tricky it might sound. Let’s delve deeper into this topic, explaining what to avoid when feeling hungry for sex, shall we?
Read more about lust from this article and ways to avoid falling into it.
Lust and Risky Behavior
Having Sex Before One of You Feels Ready
A common problem many young couples have is timing. Wanting to have sex doesn’t mean you will if your partner isn’t ready. That’s how it should be. And if this is the case with your relationship, you shouldn’t insist on sex. That is simply wrong.
Great sex can only work when both of you want it equally. Forcing someone into it can cause numerous emotional and physical problems. Therefore, it’s best to wait for your lover to say that they’re ready. Not only will you do the right thing, but you’ll also have a way better overall experience.
Crossing Physical Boundaries
Some people simply want to wait for sex. Whether it’s a general time limit of months and dates, or marriage, it doesn’t matter. The point is, they will have a set time for when sexual activities can begin in their romantic life. And as such, you might find yourself having to follow the physical boundaries they set before you.
These boundaries can be no touching below the waist, only kissing, or in some cases, oral sex and couple masturbation. That sounds great in theory, but during the heat of the moment, you can succumb to lust and cross the line. Therefore, it’s important to remain respectful of your partner’s ideas if you don’t want to hurt them.
Addiction to Pornography and Masturbation
Being unable to enjoy sex with your partner can lead you to a downward spiral. That dark path usually consists of extensive masturbation while watching porn. Even if both are completely okay, if you do it once every so often, they can become your only way of releasing sexual energy, and that’s what you should avoid.
Like drinks and drugs, sex can be addictive. You won’t be the first to fall for it as many people struggle to keep masturbating and porn at a moderate level. If you find yourself losing hours while browsing through your porn catalog, you’ll know it’s time to lay off. Try to find something else to preoccupy your time. Avoid lust.
Even if most of us use our smartphones to talk about sex with our partners, there’s a limit that you shouldn’t cross. Sexting is perfect for people who enjoy long-distance relationships or just like to spice up their sex life a bit. However, it can ruin the whole experience once the time comes to have actual intercourse.
By revealing too much about yourself, you risk raising your partner’s expectations, which, in turn, makes for a subpar experience. People like to brag. That’s just how we are. If you present yourself as some sex expert, your partner will want to see some proof. And let’s be honest here — people who do that sort of thing are usually boring in the sack.
Being intimate is all about sexual consent. On the other hand, lust doesn’t care for what others have to say about being physical at any time. The whole point of it is to get what your body makes you believe you need. And if you succumb to it, you risk committing sexual violence, and that’s a criminal offense.
Sexual assaults happen all the time. No matter if you’re dating or with a stranger, it’s essential for your partner to consent to sex. There are no words we can use to emphasize how wrong it is to force someone into intercourse. Hence, you should resist any temptation to be intimate with someone who doesn’t want the same thing from you.
How to Face Lust: Self-Control
The root of this problem usually lies in the way we’re brought up. If you were a child in a family where it was forbidden to talk about sex, the chances are that you don’t know how to handle your desires now. It’s an unfortunate state of affairs, but some cultures shame people for talking about sexual intercourse, so you can’t blame the kids. The key to self-control is education and positive social interaction.
Luckily, you can learn how to handle lust healthily. Through patterns and self-care practices, one can truly improve themselves. They will help you understand physical attraction and how to handle yourself in the presence of your romantic interest. What separates us from other animals is the fact that we can control our behavior. And that control is the ability to single out right from wrong and apply moral connotations to sex.